This week. My goodness this week…It challenged me. It humbled me. It exhausted me. It drained me mentally and physically. But here’s the thing about all of that, I NEVER GAVE UP, I never gave in, I never quit.
Monday was a BIG day. I’m talking up early, before 4am early, workout without fuel or food, or dare I say coffee?! It was a workout on no sleep, because I couldn’t turn my brain off of the day to come. I anxiously laid in bed and thought of every “what if” that could possibly happen on my first day back to work, and Clayton’s first day at day care. 🙁If you read my last post, then you already know that my anxiety was rightfully so. But anyways, this recovery ride was slow, it was painfully slow. Could I have pushed harder? Probably. But recovery workouts are important, and at this point, it was all about getting it done, because it’s all part of the plan. 🙌
That 4am alarm is something I am not used to. Even before Clayton, I was only getting up at 5 to get ready for work, and always did my runs after school. Then hello seven month maternity leave with sleeping hours all over the place. Let’s be real… I don’t have a child who sleeps through the night. I don’t have the luxury of a set schedule with him. He is his own person, and who am I to force when he has to eat or sleep or anything. My hours of sleep rarely ever see the necessary amount to recover and function. My husband leaves for work around 5:15, and we have to leave the house around 6:15, so it’s a gamble on any given day what is going to happen. And I refuse to push my runs to the evening for a million reasons, number one being, I want every possible minute with my boy now that I don’t get to be with him all day. Sometimes he takes an evening nap, but it’s never long enough to accomplish anything, and there is an almost guaranteed chance I wouldn’t do the workout in the evening anways simply because I’m tired. 😭 But I got in an easy 40 minutes at 4am and was darn proud of myself.🤗
So why am I rambling on about all of this? Not for excuses, not for pity, to just simply remind people that we are all human. What once was, may never be. But the will to push on, despite the setbacks, the new comings, the lack of sleep, the tough runs, that is what makes us stronger. I’ve got nothing for Wednesday and I’m not ashamed of it. Luckily, it was only a cross training day, but yeah….Insert a big blank photo, or maybe this, because this is what Wednesday was all about.
Tuesdsy night was one of our toughest nights yet. Talk about no sleep. I think I got a grand total of two hours. Clayton was clearly not himself, but we couldn’t figure out why. He did not have a fever. He was just clingy and whiney. He would only stop crying if he was in my arms. He would only sleep if he was in my arms. 🙁 We somehow managed to get ourselves ready for work and school, despite my gut telling me to call out, and just take the day with him to make sure he was all right. Well sure enough, day care texted as I was on my way to get him anyways, and said he had a fever. I immediately made a doctors appointment and we were seen right away. Turns out my sweet boy was in the process of getting an ear infection. After tears from both of us all night and day, we found ourselves in bed by 7. No workouts. No yoga. Nothing but cuddles, snuggles and all the catching up we needed on the big ZzZ ZzZ’s!!😴
It sure is strange taking a sick day when you’ve never called out of work in almost your entire life. I’m dedicated to my jobs and maybe a little scared to miss work, but now that I’m a mama, those sick days are going to come in handy. And it was almost perfect timing too. We needed to finalize alternate care for Clayton, and his fever//sick days let us do just that.
One of the best things about my two favorite sports is that they are you verses you. We write and rewrite the chapters of our own storybook. Before baby, I was “fast”/er, I was stronger, I was way more flexible. I was in the best shape of my life, internally and externally. My journey post baby has been harder than I imagined. It takes more strict time management, more mental strength, more grit, more tears, more everything. But the glory of running and yoga is that it’s my journey. I can take it at my speed and my intensity, without fear of holding anyone back.
Saturday was an easy 30- in which I did 1/3 warm up, 1/3 hill repeats, 1/3 cool down. I kept the hill repeats smaller, because I intended on making sunday’s long run all about the climb. Saturday’s weather was almost perfect. The sun was shining, the temps were cooler, but what I like and find easiest to run in.
Sunday came earlier and faster than I liked. Clayton was up every three/four hours to eat, talk, pretend to want to be awake. He’s a riot that boy.😍 Anyways, I did not want to run, I mean not even a little, not a mile, not even a minute. I wanted to drink coffee, stay in my pajamas, and hang out with my boys. It didn’t help that my hubby was like, “so don’t go!” But I made a vow to myself that if I had to miss a run for Clayton or work or just life in general, it was not going to be my long runs.
So off I went and spent my first mile climbing over 600 feet, only to turn up a road to take my climb even higher. It was brutal. I had my fair share of walking and even a complete stop when I finally reached the top, to catch my breath, take a picture, tie my shoe and decide how strong I really was. Because you see, I wanted to stop. I wanted to turn around and go home. It was cold. It was crazy windy, and I just climbed the biggest mountain. I kept thinking, my golly I am slow, I am tired, how the heck am I ever going to make it 80 minutes? But I kept going, one foot in front of the other. I’m pretty sure this was the most I’ve ever stopped and walked on a run before. But to my defense, and I’m trying to be gracious with myself here, I tried to run every hill that I passed. So of course I was going to struggle. I run on the treadmill all week. And let’s not talk about how hard it is to go down hill. Every part of my legs was screaming and burning.
There’s no such thing as a bad run, only runs that are tougher than others. But those tough runs, they deserve more praise and grace than any other, for if you kept going, you did not quit, that’s the toughest challenge of all. 😍 #antiquit #justkeepgoing
I ended the week with my lowest mileage by far, but the recovery week was just what I needed, at just the right time. //21.2 running miles && 12.2 riding// It can only go up from here. Little man starts at a new child care tomorrow, with a wonderful lady from church. So that should put my mind at ease and getting the workouts in hopefully go more smoothly.🤗