Hot Chili Challenge- 8 Mile Trail Run


Way back when, when I decided to look for races, and get myself signed up, as a means of pushing myself  postpartum, I chose the Hot Chili Challenge. 8 miles seems like nothing, and seemed like nothing when I signed up.  Silly me hadn’t even ran a trail race, let alone a trail run in over a year.  Last September to be exact. BUT I can hang for 8 miles.  I did just run a half marathon for Pete sake.🙂

I was a pile of mixed emotions going into it.  I usually know at least one other person running a race, but this time I was solo, && I didn’t have anyone to tell me to shut up and just run. The last time I had run a race on this course, I got bit by something right off the bat, and had trouble using my leg for the entire race.  So I was nervous about that.  I was nervous about falling, because I was running in normal sneaks. I was nervous about placing ((I put so much pressure on myself, because pre-baby, I placed all the time)), which made me nervous about the hills. BUT I was excited to be in my element. I was excited to challenge myself.  I was excited to take in the fall foliage.  I was excited to run.  Especially since I could worry less about my little man, and have some time to myself.


If you know me, you know that I have a big mouth && a big personality to go with it, so making new friends is a piece of cake.  PLUS, I needed someone to take my pre-race picture, or it didn’t really happen.  Am I right?! So, I started up conversations with a lot of people, but found they were all running the 5k && 10k.  It looked like it was just me, myself, and I for this race.  BUT I actually prefer that on the trails. There is a lot more to pay attention to, and holding a conversation just isn’t in the cards.  It was time to hit the rocks && run the race God placed before me.


I let the adrenaline rush get the best of me, and started wayyyyyy to fast, but it felt good, so I kept going.  I was running the hills (I shocked myself haha),  I was keeping pace and then, wait for it….. and then it hit me.  A wall like I’ve never felt before, not even during my marathon.  It felt like I had been running for 17 miles, but it was only 2.5.  I am accounting it to going way too hard, way too fast.  So I slowed it down, I think I even walked a little and kept plugging away. But it sure wasn’t without some negative thoughts.  I even said out loud, “I think I got a little too ambitious about my postpartum goals.” and someone was behind me.  She practically freaked out when she heard me say it, which startled me.  I came to find that she (a mom of four), just ran 100 miles.  Say what??!  I just kept telling her she was amazing, but she would only return that I was amazing, and she couldn’t believe I was out there already.  As much as thought she was just being nice, and couldn’t take the compliment, it was nice to hear, and distracted me from my own negative space.  We ran together for about a mile && then she left me.🙂


I felt like I got my mojo back around mile 5, but it was still a struggle to catch my breath.  When I reached a little over 6 miles, I got the worst stomach cramps and couldn’t hang on the hills anymore.  They owned me. But that’s okay.  The hill at mile 6/7 is gi-freakin-normous.  By mile 7, I felt like I could run a million more.  The highs and lows I felt during this run were some of the most extreme I ever experienced. So strange.  But, the views were absolutely breathtaking.


The best thing about these races are that 100% of the proceeds goes to providing free mammograms to women.  The Friend2Friend mission is dedicated to assisting women and their families whose lives are impacted by a cancer diagnosis. The SCWF strives to provide early detection services, support and resources to the women of Sussex and surrounding counties.  They have awesome volunteer staff along the courses and the runners themselves create an inviting atmosphere you can’t pass up.  At the end of the race, you get some awesome grub, the main dish obviously being chili (beef, chicken and vegan options available)).  They mean business haha!❤


When I crossed the finish line, I checked my stats, and thought I might’ve placed.  BUT I took a 5th place finish for my age group.  No complaints.  I just wanted to finish.  And based on how I felt in the beginning, I didn’t think I was going to.  BUT then again, you’re kind of in the middle of the woods, and have no choice but to finish.  :) I am still super nervous about completing a trail half marathon in a couple of weeks, but this mama is only going in one direction, and that’s forward.


Lucky for me, I get to come home and cuddle this cutie after every race!  <3



Friday Five with Aftershokz && Sweatpink



I will post the five prompts for you, along with my answers to each!  <3

1. Tunes that inspire! What are your 3 favorite pump up songs or podcasts to listen to while you get your sweat on? And tell us why you LOVE (or want to WIN!) a pair of AfterShokz new PINK headphones and stay #AwareWithPink while you sweat!

  • So I haven’t listened to music while running in over a year.  And when I was given a pair of aftershokz headphones to review, I was nervous to run with it again.  It’s still not my thing, but I do love to listen to music when riding my trainer or working out at home.  AND if your spouse is anything like mine, we don’t agree on music tastes, and it’s never fun to listen to cranked up music when you’re trying to watch your favorite show on the tv. So the headphones are great!  We can listen to our music, without annoying the other, and I can still hear my little one if he cries. I got a little  of topic.  Let’s see…my three favorite songs…that is a toughy.  Looking at me, you probably think I like poppy songs, but on the contrary, I like heavy rock//punk rock//metal.  So songs by Skillet, Five Finger Death Punch, and Disturbed really get me going, and performing at tip top speed.🙂
  • Since I already own a pair of Aftershokz, I will not apply for this one.  I’ll save that for someone else.  <3

2. Give back!? Tell us how you will empower yourself and others throughout #BCA month — running, volunteering, fundraising, supporting someone in your life.

  • I’ve always been a giver.  A giver of love, hope, inspiration, time. I put others before myself, ALWAYS!❤ Breast Cancer hits home for me.  My nana has had a mastectomy, and some friends have had lumpectomies. As a way to give back, this month I am running two races that support free mammograms for women.  All the proceeds made at the races are given directly to a local office && used to help women of all ages receive mammograms, at no cost to them.  For more information about the movement, click the link:


3. Be a self care advocate: How do you advocate for self care in your life? Or how are you an advocate for self care in someone else’s life? Yoga, meditation, education, spreading awareness…?

  • OOOOOOOhhh this is a good one.  So many ways to respond. I’m an advocate in a lot of different ways; self care, teaching, special needs, yoga, running, healthy eating, self-image, you name it and I try to help it.  As a special education teacher, I fight for my students.  I fight for them to be allowed in general ed classes.  I fight for them to attend different events in the community.  I fight to change people’s perceptions of them.  I fight for them to love each other.  I fight for them to understand themselves and how they fit into our world. I fight for their happiness && acceptance.  As a lover of yoga && running, I advocate self love, self worth, self acceptance, no matter a person’s ability.  <3

4. Inspiring threads! What are your favorite products/apparel that empower you to get sweaty + strong! We’re loving all of our new #prAnaFallStyle threads (get 15% off with PFS16TCRL at checkout, our new Sweat Pink tanks (ahem) and all the pink things that are helping spread awareness for #bca…grinning#wearpinkwednesday #AwareWithPink

  • My must haves for running are procompression socks, Oiselle running shorts, mizuno running shoes, my garmin && momentum jewelry, and my pink running for those who can’t hat. Basically with all of these, I am one unstoppable, matchy matchy, trendy mama.  <3🙂
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5. Friends who inspire! Feature a friend / loved one that empowers / inspires you to make a difference in your own life or other’s lives. Make sure you connect with that special, inspirational person! Take a selfie with each other, whether you’re getting sweaty together or going on a coffee date!

  • Gahhhh this one is so hard to pick just one person.  I have so many people who inspire me on a daily basis.  Some I have never even met in real life.  Let’s see….should I use their IG names, that way you all can follow them if you are not already? YES! That sounds like a great plan….
    • @staceyannec –This beautiful mama has the biggest smile all the time, and she never lets her setbacks stop her from coming back.
    • @Melissalynwilliams — What can’t you say about this beautiful lady?  She accomplished one of the biggest transformations I have ever seen and she is super speedy.  She gives me so much hope for my future running career.
    • @breathebrooke — She’s flexible, super bendy, super beautiful, super sweet and has such an amazing heart.  I aspire to be half the woman and mom that she is.
    • @carleemcdot — Never not running and giving back to the world.  She is the true definition of changing the world and inspiring the lives of everyone she comes across.
    • @cgreenrun — She makes mommying (four beautiful babes, might I add) and training look easy and awesome.  She is strong, inside and out, and she is super supportive.
    • There are so many more lovely ladies, who inspire me more than they will ever know, and for all of you, I am so, so, sooooooo thankful.  You all are the only reason I keep that square box of life.❤
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And there you have it folks.  PINK EVERRYYYYYTHANG && a whole lotta love and support. Who inspires you?  What inspires you?  How do you advocate?  Play along, and let’s see how we all play a part in changing the world.  :)

Don’t forget:

If you don’t have a pair of Aftershokz Pink Trekz Titanium headphones, don’t delay. For every unit sold through October 31st, 2016 on, AfterShokz will donate 25% of proceeds to Bright Pink – a non profit that focuses on breast and ovarian cancer awareness and education.

#AwareWithPink #SweatPink #BCA @MyAfterShokz @FitApproach


❤ X0X0

Comeback Race– Jersey Shore Half Recap


A couple weeks ago, I was determined to do a half marathon.  I missed racing.  I needed something to motivate me more to run.  I needed that feeling again. So I signed up for a half in November.  Then some friends mentioned they were doing the Jersey Shore Half.  I couldn’t beat the price, and it was a race I’ve never done before.  So why not?

I gave myself about four weeks to prepare.  But with a baby, following a plan is almost impossible. I tried to run everyday, but sometimes it just wasn’t in my cards.  Other times, I tried to run longerish weekly runs, and nope, not happening.  Three miles seemed to be it for me.  And the only long run I really got to accomplish was one 10 miler.  So going into this race was a little scary.  I had no doubt I would finish, I just wasn’t sure what kind of pain//pace to expect.  HENCE the JUST FINISH mind set I repeated over and over again.

Saturday night I laid out my outfit && carbloaded on some butternut squash ravioli, fed the babe, and hit the sheets early.

Mom duty called and I had to feed the little around 3am and probably should’ve just stayed up afterwards. The two hours I got going “back to sleep” only made me feel super tired. BUT whatever.  I’ve become accustom to lack of sleep. Got my coffee and oatmeal on. Dressed. && made the 1 hour and 30 minute drive down the shore.

Met up with these cool cats for a prerace picture && discussed goals for the race. Definitely wasn’t even going to attempt to keep up with Lauren, but had the same goal in mind as Anne Marie ((break 2 hours)).  It seemed like an almost reasonable goal for my first half back after having my handsome little man, ALMOST!  So we set off && were making good timing.  We were averaging 9:15 miles for the first 5/6, but around 4 miles was when I felt the urge to use the bathroom.  It’s been an annoying occurrence for me postpartum.  I mean i used to get like this early on in my marathon training, but it never affected me during a race. Anne Marie and I continued to chat along, which made the miles go by pretty quickly.  BUT by mile 7, where we passed the portajohns, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  So I stopped and took poo number one.  Let me tell you, trying to pull your sweaty shorts back up is a task in itself.  And from there on out, I couldn’t get my mojo back.

I was beginning to get defeated && then annoyed with myself for getting defeated.  I was getting annoyed that I thought this was going to be easier ((it’s flat after all)).  I only had one goal, to finish, right?  Then why was I getting so angry with myself?  I felt so good in the beginning and really thought that my goal was going to be achieved.  As more and more people passed me, the feelings only got worse.  But every time I saw a running buddy along the way (( at the turn around points)) I would get a little more hope back.  Eventually, it just came to finishing.  My legs felt great, my heart ((breathing)) was struggling. Having a baby takes a serious toll on your body && endurance. When I crossed the finish line, I felt like my goals were accomplished.  Maybe not the way I had pictured, missing out on goals A and B (by a minute), but that I finished.  I finished 13.1 miles with a 10:00 minute pace, 3 months after having my little man.  After three months of not running at all.  With only completing about 100 miles of running before race day, most of which were on the treadmill.

I might not be where I was a year ago, but the work and drive to get to where I was is going to make me even stronger than before.  If I could do it then, I can do it again, just in between being a mom. I may admit that I struggle, because we all do, but I will ALWAYS finish a race smiling.  Because it’s all about the finish.  What happened during, is just a story, but how you finish is the memory, the cover of your story.❤

Thanks to these lovely ladies ((and LAUREN too)), for the smiles, the cheers, the pictures, and the friendship.  I say this all the time, but runners truly make the best of friends. I can’t say I will do this race again, (because you get what you pay for) and its a little far for me to travel being a mommy. BUT I really have no complaints.  Thank you to the military staff and volunteers who organized, cheered, clapped, sang, and put on a good race.


My medal was earned, and it’s safe to say that I AM BACK!  <3

Never Forget–Netcong Day 5k


This year marked the ninth anniversary for the Netcong Day 5k. && it happened to fall on the 15th year of Remembering 9/11.  It was so nice to see how well they honored the tragic event, and see runners sporting their red, white && blue. The last time I did this race was in 2011.  It was only my second race ever. I remember hitting the hill at mile 2, and being completely turned off from running.  Hence it never happened again until 2013 haha.




You know I sported all the American colors I possibly could.  Stars && Stripes FOREVER!❤ This was only my second time running this race, and you better bet I ran up those hills this time. For being my first race back, post baby,  I was super nervous. Not that I don’t get nervous at every race.  I don’t know why.  BUT I had no expectations for this race.  I was just going to run my race that God had set before me.  Whatever happened happened.  I was just so excited to be back out there.


The nice thing about this run is that it is super family && community friendly. Strollers/walkers/ kid runners; all are welcome. The course runs through downtown Netcong and around the Lake, through little developments and around the school.  The weather was almost perfect.  Hot, but breezy. The hosts of this race really know how to treat their runners well.  They provide three water stations along the route.  You get the option to food pre-race.  They have wet washclothes available as needed, and lots of spectator support.  And after it’s all over, you celebrate at the Street Fair.❤


It’s always fun when you meet up with running friends at races too.  We might not run together or finish together, but we always start together. These two are the absolute best running friends you could find.  Never have I ever met more supportive loves then these two gems. Not pictured (because they haven’t been posted yet) is the photos of our Run4God group.  But they too are my favorite people.  I know I say this all the time, but runners truly make the best friends.


So this next part of my story makes me so happy.  This sweet girl here ran her first race this day.  You know how little kids tend to sprint all out, then stop and walk for a good while, then sprint all out, and walk again.  It always makes me giggle inside.  Well this love bug was doing the same.  And about half way through, I caught up to her, and when she stopped to walk, I cheered her on && said stick with me.  As we ran, I explained to her how running is about finding your own pace. So I told her to slow it down && stick with me.  No stopping until we crossed that FINISH line, and no SPRINTING until she saw the FINISH line.  She was cute, too.  She kept saying, “How much longer”?  I told her what to expect with every turn, and when we rounded that final turn at the top of the hill (the finish line being at the bottom), this little lovey took off. She was flying.  I couldn’t even keep up with her.  All I could do was scream, “Go girl!” with the biggest smile on my face. Later, I had to find her to congratulate her and say how proud I was of her.  Her mother couldn’t have been more grateful towards me.   It’s always the little things like this that mean so much more than any podium finish. Although, the two of us both took first place in our age groups.🙂❤


So let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  I may have taken first place in my age group, but my pace wasn’t anything to get all crazy over. Like I said earlier, I just ran my race.  The race that was made for me this day.  It was nice running without worrying about pace, without worrying about being the fastest, or the first one done. If this journey post partum has taught me one thing, its that my love for running goes way deeper than being the best.  In fact, I hate that I ever thought that way to begin with,  To be 100% honest, I couldn’t believe I placed at all.  There was a lot of people at this race. I didn’t even place myself near the front at the start of the race. But taking first as my first run back is kind of cool.  Just saying.❤



Our Run4God group also took home second place in the team division.  I will brag about that, because we are seriously an awesome group.  We embody what the running community means. All ages, all abilities, all different reasons && stories, but together we all run because we want something more for ourselves and our Lord. After all, it is because of him we get to run at all.❤



&& the medals spin!!🙂


Fall Fashion prAna Style <3


I might not be teaching, and doing my daily #ootd, but that doesn’t stop me from being completely and utterly excited for fall and all things fall fashion.  I have this issue with not wearing the same outfit twice within a year. So you can only imagine the amount of clothes I own in my closet. It’s terrible, but completely worth it.  I have clothes from 10 years ago, and still wear them like they are in style.  I love to play with colors, patterns && textures.

When I found out I was accepted to be apart of the #prAnaFallStyle blog review, I just about wanted to cry.  A year ago, when I first began my journey with the #sweatPINK ladies, I applied for this campaign and did not get it.  But waiting that year to get accepted was so worth it.  I am in LOVE, did I say LOVE, with the KARA jean && LUCIA sweater.  Paired together, they make one adorable fall statement, with contrasting colors.  Wear them with booties && the play on the round buttons && straps from the boots, pulls the entire outfit together.








The wool sweater is perfect for bonfires, Friday night football games, early morning coffee walks, and any other brisk//cool outing.  I am excite to hang out in mine in front of the fire place. The sweater is detailed with draw strings around the neck, buttons along the side, and is lined with a soft fabric. It’s simply perfect in every way.  This is a small, and fits how I expected it to.











The jeans are versatile and so fun to dress up or down, wear cuffed or straight. The fabric is a soft stretch denim with 5 pockets, a low rise and tapered legs.They seem to fit true to size.  I ordered what I would wear any other day, and they fit perfectly.  EVEN with this post baby body of mine.  Basically, stop wasting time, and head on over to their website. Get your fall fashion shopping frenzy on.  They even have super cute workout attire. What are you waiting for?

FOR 15% off your order at prAna, use code PFS16TCRL. 




A little over a year ago, I became a sans free music runner.  Before that, I never thought I could run without it.  I was a slave to the headphones.  If I forgot them, I wouldn’t run. But I also hated the wires hanging down around my face, or losing an earphone because my hand would knock it out of my ear.  I hated wasting time untangling the  wires before each run.  BUT I NEEDED IT, so I did it.  I began to dislike being startled by oncoming bike riders, or other runners.  I didn’t like not being able to hear cars behind me on the open road. But who was I as a runner if I didn’t have my music to keep me pumped and in the mood? When I went on group runs, I needed my music, but felt like a complete jerk of a friend when I cut them off of communication, because I had to have my music. and running with one ear in, and the other hanging down around my neck was too weird and uncomfortable.

Before long, I found myself running on the trails.  I couldn’t imagine having headphones on out there.  The amount of bikers, hikers, wild animals, and hunters was super scary.  You would read about people being attacked by animals, and sadly other humans, and I knew it wasn’t safe to continue running with headphones.  Especially if majority of my training runs were going to be on trails and in the woods.

Then marathon training started.  I wanted to become a good runner.  So I ditched the music and said let’s try this.  All the pros do it. So why couldn’t I?  That first run or two was basically death.  I wanted to quit time after time, but then I started focusing on things I never noticed before; my breath, my cadence and my stride. I felt free. Ever since then I’ve been a runner who doesn’t rely on music to make it through. And quite frankly, I don’t know that I could ever go back.  BUT then the gang at Fitapproach teamed up with Aftershokz && I may have changed my mind.


I’ve been running with them for about two weeks. I tested them out at every environment I typically run at, and I felt safe.  I felt like I could still focus on my stride, my breath, and the outside events happening around me.  I could hear oncoming runners, walkers, bikers.  I could hear the jingles of dog tags.  I still got to enjoy the sound of nature around me. They didn’t cause annoyance mid run and I didn’t have to spend time untangling them.  Once synced with my phone, they were ready to go the moment I turned on bluetooth.  They tell you how much charge is left, and it is easy to turn the volume up or down.  They don’t move around and wear super comfortably around your head.  PLUS, your purchase of a pair benefits an amazing cause. It’s a WIN/WIN!  <3




    • Trekz Titanium Pink are wireless, sweat resistant and perfect for fitness enthusiasts. They don’t go inside or over your ears, so you don’t need to worry about them falling out mid-workout!
    • You can make and take calls, enjoy music or podcasts on the go with Trekz Titanium Pink (all while looking great)! You’ve got the perfect workout partner with Trekz Titanium Pink, and they’ll keep you company for 6+ hours without needing a charge.
    • You no longer have to choose between listening to Beyoncé or your running partner. With Trekz Titanium Pink, you can enjoy the company of both, since these headphones don’t go inside or over your ears and block out your environment or conversations!
    • Trekz Titanium Pink are super flexible and lightweight with their titanium frame, and they’ll stay in place, no matter what you put them through. Handstands? Backflips? No problem!
    • Trekz Titanium Pink are IP55 rated – which technically means you can hose them down and they’ll survive. Don’t go swimming with them, but rain and excessive sweat won’t do damage.


With October right around the corner, AfterShokz is joining the fight against breast and ovarian cancer by going (Bright) Pink! Their limited edition open ear Trekz Titanium Pink headphones are designed to keep you aware, but in more than one way. For every unit sold on through October 31st, 2016, AfterShokz will donate 25% of proceeds to Bright Pink, a non-profit that focuses on breast and ovarian cancer awareness and action. Every time #AwareWithPink is used on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, AfterShokz will donate an additional 25 cents to Bright Pink to extend the awareness. Spreading the hashtag will fund Bright Pink’s ongoing efforts to educate and drive awareness about how being proactive can make all the difference.


They make the cutest accessory for all of your pink inspired runs, and match your other favorite gear PERFECTLY!  <3

Coinciding with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Aftershokz and Sweat Pink are hosting a month long Instagram Challenge (10/1-10/31).  Keep your eyes out for this && be sure to join in on the fun.  Help us spread the word and make a PINK difference.  As part of the movement, and to offer you a pretty awesome deal, Aftershokz is offering you the chance to get a FREE case with purchase of Aftershokz Pink Trekz (wahooo!). 

Please note: to get the free case, you need to add the small case to your cart and then enter the code PinkGift. The code won’t apply to the order with no case in the cart.

Can’t wait to see everyone sporting their pink pride and spreading the #AwareWithPINK hashtag.  Let’s make a difference.  It’s easy.  <3


Schedule Smedule or Not?



At Clayton’s latest doctors appointment, for his two month checkup, the well educated doc was quick to advise that we stop nighttime feedings.  SAY WHAT?  You want me to do what?  I quickly responded with a, “And how do you suppose I do that?”

“Let him cry.”  That was his response.  So naturally my next move was to ask for how long. His response, “Until he stops.”

Now I know all of this to be true.  I went to school for this.  I worked in day care for half of my life.  I always said I would be the mother that did this.  It’s for the better.


Then, when you become a mommy, and all that knowledge is questioned, you just want to ignore it all && cuddle your little love.  The mere thought of them crying breaks your heart. And forget when they actually do cry.  Game over.  


A friend of mine gave me this cheat sheet.  It was used by her and her sister (loosely), and it seemed to work for them.  I liked this idea better than completely cutting Clayton off cold turkey.  We started it yesterday morning, and it seemed to go just fine.  Minus a few hiccups in terms of time frames (he fell asleep later, we don’t do bath time everyday, a catnap never happens, and little things of the like). Then came bedtime. We ate, we read “We’re Going on A Bear Hunt”, we rocked. We fell asleep.  Hit the crib, was fine for five minutes, then the fun began.


He started to do his whiny little cry, which I ignored.  I can handle ignoring the attention seeking cries.  Slowly && surely though, those little cries turned into deep cries. I don’t know about you other mamas out there, but I think my max time limit to let them cry is about 15 minutes.  So I went in, gave him his pacifier, and left.  Well fun fact about Clayton, he loves to play games with the paci.  It’s his soothing little love for sure, but it’s also how he gets mom and dad to come back.  So he spits it out, cries for it, we give it, he’s fine for 5 minutes, spits it out, cries, we give it, and repeat.  Eventually, when it falls out on his own, it’s fine. We’re done playing the paci game. He’s asleep.  So that happened. Phew! Okay, so maybe we can do this.

I slept in the guest bedroom across from his, just to be closer, and for peace of mind. Well I didn’t even need the monitor.  His cries were so loud the entire night, it was just an added echo to the already loud cries he created. So let’s see… Around 11:15, he woke up again, but it was fine, because that was when I was supposed to do his “dreamfeeding” anyways.  We rock and cuddle while he eats. The lights stayed off. I was half asleep.  He eats about three ounces.  That’s his usual amount anyways.  We burp (no spit up! YAY!).  We rock together a little longer. Into his crib he went.  He screamed and screamed and screamed some more.  He spit up.  He was laying in his spit up. So I cleaned him up. Gave the paci, and went to my room.  He continued to scream, but I’m pretty sure I fell asleep before him.  Only being woken up again at 3:15.  Seems about right, as he only ate three ounces.  Clayton tends to run on this schedule of how ever many ounces he eats, is how long he can go in between feedings.  But my same friend gave the advice of only making him go as long as he has gone before.  If he made it 6 hours at least once before, try to hold him off for 6 hours.  Well I could tell that wasn’t going to happen, so I settled for five.  We played the pacifier game again, we rocked in the chair. And at 4:00 I fed him.  This time he tanked, I mean literally tanked 5 ounces in like 10 minutes.  He never eats that fast.  We burped, we spit up, and I thought, “Oh good, this means he will sleep so well, his belly has to be full.” Into his crib he goes.  He cried, AGAIN!  Fell asleep, woke up at 6:16, and I was done.  How after 5 ounces could you possibly be hungry again.  I let him go.  15 minutes passed, that’s all I can handle.  Went in and got him, only to bring him into bed with me.  He is only waking up now (9:30am).  So he technically went 5 hours, matching the 5 ounces he ate. He just needed mommy in between.

So this is where I say schedule smedule, but also know how important it is to get him onto a schedule. I just feel like what we were doing was working.  He typically only ate once a night anyways. It just never added up to 8 hours straight.  So do I do my thing, or keep plugging away at this?  After day one, I want to say, “No, sir.”  It seems like we were worse off with this routine compared to our own.  I know he needs to sleep in his crib.  I am fine with that part.  He has outgrown the bassinet anyways.  BUT is going the whole night with out eating really what is best.  I play the preemie card a lot too.  He is only 8lbs 8oz.  Most babies by month two are past the 10lb mark.  And most babies eat way more than 3oz at a time.  I don’t think Clayton’s little tummy can handle all of that.  PLUS the more serious part.  He spits up, and when I say spit up, I mean more like throws up EVERYTHING. and I can’t let him sleep in it.  And with all the upset crying he did last night, he spit up every time I went to check on him.  This moring, with the 4am feeding, his entire PJ was soaked.  He smelled terrible. His hair was all crusty. And I did not like any of it one bit.  This didn’t happen when he was sleeping next to us in the bassinet.  If he spit up, I would hear it.  It typically happened once.  BUT with all of this crying && screaming, it is causing him to spit up more, and I can’t hear that in the monitor.  I only know when I go in to check on him.  I just feel like its defeating the purpose, pushing for 8 hours, when clearly he is not ready.  I know I am not forced to do anything, but I also want Clayton to learn to soothe himself, and to get on a schedule.  Do I follow the part of me that says he really is only a month old gestational, or follow the two month time frame, when this is all supposed to begin?

For now, the hubby and I agree that 15 minutes is the max we let him scream for, especially because he gets himself so worked up that he is puking. And 5-6 hours is how long we will make him go in between the dream feed and the early morning feeding.  After a few days, maybe extend it by 15 minutes.  I just think cutting the poor kid off, cold turkey is not fair to him. DO I want a full nights sleep? MORE THAN ANYTHING sometimes.  BUT  I want my little man to be comfortable, safe, and healthy way more.  Am I a terrible mom, is this going to affect us in the future, will he ever be able to go a full night?  I ask myself this all the time. My brain says do this. Get him on a schedule. But my heart and instincts or maybe my emotions say otherwise.  I guess only time will tell.  And one day cannot justify if it is working or not. BUT after last night, I am not quite a fan.  I feel like Clayton is all messed up now anyways.  I tried to get right back on the schedule, but he wasn’t ready to eat again, he  was clearly still tired, and I don’t know anymore.


I’m done ranting for now.  I am going to cuddle the heck out of my little booger and play it by year.