Never Forget–Netcong Day 5k

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This year marked the ninth anniversary for the Netcong Day 5k. && it happened to fall on the 15th year of Remembering 9/11.  It was so nice to see how well they honored the tragic event, and see runners sporting their red, white && blue. The last time I did this race was in 2011.  It was only my second race ever. I remember hitting the hill at mile 2, and being completely turned off from running.  Hence it never happened again until 2013 haha.

 

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You know I sported all the American colors I possibly could.  Stars && Stripes FOREVER!❤ This was only my second time running this race, and you better bet I ran up those hills this time. For being my first race back, post baby,  I was super nervous. Not that I don’t get nervous at every race.  I don’t know why.  BUT I had no expectations for this race.  I was just going to run my race that God had set before me.  Whatever happened happened.  I was just so excited to be back out there.

 

The nice thing about this run is that it is super family && community friendly. Strollers/walkers/ kid runners; all are welcome. The course runs through downtown Netcong and around the Lake, through little developments and around the school.  The weather was almost perfect.  Hot, but breezy. The hosts of this race really know how to treat their runners well.  They provide three water stations along the route.  You get the option to food pre-race.  They have wet washclothes available as needed, and lots of spectator support.  And after it’s all over, you celebrate at the Street Fair.❤

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It’s always fun when you meet up with running friends at races too.  We might not run together or finish together, but we always start together. These two are the absolute best running friends you could find.  Never have I ever met more supportive loves then these two gems. Not pictured (because they haven’t been posted yet) is the photos of our Run4God group.  But they too are my favorite people.  I know I say this all the time, but runners truly make the best friends.

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So this next part of my story makes me so happy.  This sweet girl here ran her first race this day.  You know how little kids tend to sprint all out, then stop and walk for a good while, then sprint all out, and walk again.  It always makes me giggle inside.  Well this love bug was doing the same.  And about half way through, I caught up to her, and when she stopped to walk, I cheered her on && said stick with me.  As we ran, I explained to her how running is about finding your own pace. So I told her to slow it down && stick with me.  No stopping until we crossed that FINISH line, and no SPRINTING until she saw the FINISH line.  She was cute, too.  She kept saying, “How much longer”?  I told her what to expect with every turn, and when we rounded that final turn at the top of the hill (the finish line being at the bottom), this little lovey took off. She was flying.  I couldn’t even keep up with her.  All I could do was scream, “Go girl!” with the biggest smile on my face. Later, I had to find her to congratulate her and say how proud I was of her.  Her mother couldn’t have been more grateful towards me.   It’s always the little things like this that mean so much more than any podium finish. Although, the two of us both took first place in our age groups.🙂❤

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So let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  I may have taken first place in my age group, but my pace wasn’t anything to get all crazy over. Like I said earlier, I just ran my race.  The race that was made for me this day.  It was nice running without worrying about pace, without worrying about being the fastest, or the first one done. If this journey post partum has taught me one thing, its that my love for running goes way deeper than being the best.  In fact, I hate that I ever thought that way to begin with,  To be 100% honest, I couldn’t believe I placed at all.  There was a lot of people at this race. I didn’t even place myself near the front at the start of the race. But taking first as my first run back is kind of cool.  Just saying.❤

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Our Run4God group also took home second place in the team division.  I will brag about that, because we are seriously an awesome group.  We embody what the running community means. All ages, all abilities, all different reasons && stories, but together we all run because we want something more for ourselves and our Lord. After all, it is because of him we get to run at all.❤

 

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&& the medals spin!!🙂

 

Fall Fashion prAna Style <3

 

I might not be teaching, and doing my daily #ootd, but that doesn’t stop me from being completely and utterly excited for fall and all things fall fashion.  I have this issue with not wearing the same outfit twice within a year. So you can only imagine the amount of clothes I own in my closet. It’s terrible, but completely worth it.  I have clothes from 10 years ago, and still wear them like they are in style.  I love to play with colors, patterns && textures.

When I found out I was accepted to be apart of the #prAnaFallStyle blog review, I just about wanted to cry.  A year ago, when I first began my journey with the #sweatPINK ladies, I applied for this campaign and did not get it.  But waiting that year to get accepted was so worth it.  I am in LOVE, did I say LOVE, with the KARA jean && LUCIA sweater.  Paired together, they make one adorable fall statement, with contrasting colors.  Wear them with booties && the play on the round buttons && straps from the boots, pulls the entire outfit together.

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The wool sweater is perfect for bonfires, Friday night football games, early morning coffee walks, and any other brisk//cool outing.  I am excite to hang out in mine in front of the fire place. The sweater is detailed with draw strings around the neck, buttons along the side, and is lined with a soft fabric. It’s simply perfect in every way.  This is a small, and fits how I expected it to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The jeans are versatile and so fun to dress up or down, wear cuffed or straight. The fabric is a soft stretch denim with 5 pockets, a low rise and tapered legs.They seem to fit true to size.  I ordered what I would wear any other day, and they fit perfectly.  EVEN with this post baby body of mine.  Basically, stop wasting time, and head on over to their website. Get your fall fashion shopping frenzy on.  They even have super cute workout attire. What are you waiting for?

FOR 15% off your order at prAna, use code PFS16TCRL. 

 

#AwareWithPink

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A little over a year ago, I became a sans free music runner.  Before that, I never thought I could run without it.  I was a slave to the headphones.  If I forgot them, I wouldn’t run. But I also hated the wires hanging down around my face, or losing an earphone because my hand would knock it out of my ear.  I hated wasting time untangling the  wires before each run.  BUT I NEEDED IT, so I did it.  I began to dislike being startled by oncoming bike riders, or other runners.  I didn’t like not being able to hear cars behind me on the open road. But who was I as a runner if I didn’t have my music to keep me pumped and in the mood? When I went on group runs, I needed my music, but felt like a complete jerk of a friend when I cut them off of communication, because I had to have my music. and running with one ear in, and the other hanging down around my neck was too weird and uncomfortable.

Before long, I found myself running on the trails.  I couldn’t imagine having headphones on out there.  The amount of bikers, hikers, wild animals, and hunters was super scary.  You would read about people being attacked by animals, and sadly other humans, and I knew it wasn’t safe to continue running with headphones.  Especially if majority of my training runs were going to be on trails and in the woods.

Then marathon training started.  I wanted to become a good runner.  So I ditched the music and said let’s try this.  All the pros do it. So why couldn’t I?  That first run or two was basically death.  I wanted to quit time after time, but then I started focusing on things I never noticed before; my breath, my cadence and my stride. I felt free. Ever since then I’ve been a runner who doesn’t rely on music to make it through. And quite frankly, I don’t know that I could ever go back.  BUT then the gang at Fitapproach teamed up with Aftershokz && I may have changed my mind.

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I’ve been running with them for about two weeks. I tested them out at every environment I typically run at, and I felt safe.  I felt like I could still focus on my stride, my breath, and the outside events happening around me.  I could hear oncoming runners, walkers, bikers.  I could hear the jingles of dog tags.  I still got to enjoy the sound of nature around me. They didn’t cause annoyance mid run and I didn’t have to spend time untangling them.  Once synced with my phone, they were ready to go the moment I turned on bluetooth.  They tell you how much charge is left, and it is easy to turn the volume up or down.  They don’t move around and wear super comfortably around your head.  PLUS, your purchase of a pair benefits an amazing cause. It’s a WIN/WIN!  <3

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FUN FACTS: 

    • Trekz Titanium Pink are wireless, sweat resistant and perfect for fitness enthusiasts. They don’t go inside or over your ears, so you don’t need to worry about them falling out mid-workout!
    • You can make and take calls, enjoy music or podcasts on the go with Trekz Titanium Pink (all while looking great)! You’ve got the perfect workout partner with Trekz Titanium Pink, and they’ll keep you company for 6+ hours without needing a charge.
    • You no longer have to choose between listening to Beyoncé or your running partner. With Trekz Titanium Pink, you can enjoy the company of both, since these headphones don’t go inside or over your ears and block out your environment or conversations!
    • Trekz Titanium Pink are super flexible and lightweight with their titanium frame, and they’ll stay in place, no matter what you put them through. Handstands? Backflips? No problem!
    • Trekz Titanium Pink are IP55 rated – which technically means you can hose them down and they’ll survive. Don’t go swimming with them, but rain and excessive sweat won’t do damage.

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With October right around the corner, AfterShokz is joining the fight against breast and ovarian cancer by going (Bright) Pink! Their limited edition open ear Trekz Titanium Pink headphones are designed to keep you aware, but in more than one way. For every unit sold on aftershokz.com through October 31st, 2016, AfterShokz will donate 25% of proceeds to Bright Pink, a non-profit that focuses on breast and ovarian cancer awareness and action. Every time #AwareWithPink is used on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, AfterShokz will donate an additional 25 cents to Bright Pink to extend the awareness. Spreading the hashtag will fund Bright Pink’s ongoing efforts to educate and drive awareness about how being proactive can make all the difference.

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They make the cutest accessory for all of your pink inspired runs, and match your other favorite gear PERFECTLY!  <3

Coinciding with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Aftershokz and Sweat Pink are hosting a month long Instagram Challenge (10/1-10/31).  Keep your eyes out for this && be sure to join in on the fun.  Help us spread the word and make a PINK difference.  As part of the movement, and to offer you a pretty awesome deal, Aftershokz is offering you the chance to get a FREE case with purchase of Aftershokz Pink Trekz (wahooo!). 

Please note: to get the free case, you need to add the small case to your cart and then enter the code PinkGift. The code won’t apply to the order with no case in the cart.

Can’t wait to see everyone sporting their pink pride and spreading the #AwareWithPINK hashtag.  Let’s make a difference.  It’s easy.  <3

 

Schedule Smedule or Not?

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At Clayton’s latest doctors appointment, for his two month checkup, the well educated doc was quick to advise that we stop nighttime feedings.  SAY WHAT?  You want me to do what?  I quickly responded with a, “And how do you suppose I do that?”

“Let him cry.”  That was his response.  So naturally my next move was to ask for how long. His response, “Until he stops.”

Now I know all of this to be true.  I went to school for this.  I worked in day care for half of my life.  I always said I would be the mother that did this.  It’s for the better.

BUT….

Then, when you become a mommy, and all that knowledge is questioned, you just want to ignore it all && cuddle your little love.  The mere thought of them crying breaks your heart. And forget when they actually do cry.  Game over.  

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A friend of mine gave me this cheat sheet.  It was used by her and her sister (loosely), and it seemed to work for them.  I liked this idea better than completely cutting Clayton off cold turkey.  We started it yesterday morning, and it seemed to go just fine.  Minus a few hiccups in terms of time frames (he fell asleep later, we don’t do bath time everyday, a catnap never happens, and little things of the like). Then came bedtime. We ate, we read “We’re Going on A Bear Hunt”, we rocked. We fell asleep.  Hit the crib, was fine for five minutes, then the fun began.

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He started to do his whiny little cry, which I ignored.  I can handle ignoring the attention seeking cries.  Slowly && surely though, those little cries turned into deep cries. I don’t know about you other mamas out there, but I think my max time limit to let them cry is about 15 minutes.  So I went in, gave him his pacifier, and left.  Well fun fact about Clayton, he loves to play games with the paci.  It’s his soothing little love for sure, but it’s also how he gets mom and dad to come back.  So he spits it out, cries for it, we give it, he’s fine for 5 minutes, spits it out, cries, we give it, and repeat.  Eventually, when it falls out on his own, it’s fine. We’re done playing the paci game. He’s asleep.  So that happened. Phew! Okay, so maybe we can do this.


I slept in the guest bedroom across from his, just to be closer, and for peace of mind. Well I didn’t even need the monitor.  His cries were so loud the entire night, it was just an added echo to the already loud cries he created. So let’s see… Around 11:15, he woke up again, but it was fine, because that was when I was supposed to do his “dreamfeeding” anyways.  We rock and cuddle while he eats. The lights stayed off. I was half asleep.  He eats about three ounces.  That’s his usual amount anyways.  We burp (no spit up! YAY!).  We rock together a little longer. Into his crib he went.  He screamed and screamed and screamed some more.  He spit up.  He was laying in his spit up. So I cleaned him up. Gave the paci, and went to my room.  He continued to scream, but I’m pretty sure I fell asleep before him.  Only being woken up again at 3:15.  Seems about right, as he only ate three ounces.  Clayton tends to run on this schedule of how ever many ounces he eats, is how long he can go in between feedings.  But my same friend gave the advice of only making him go as long as he has gone before.  If he made it 6 hours at least once before, try to hold him off for 6 hours.  Well I could tell that wasn’t going to happen, so I settled for five.  We played the pacifier game again, we rocked in the chair. And at 4:00 I fed him.  This time he tanked, I mean literally tanked 5 ounces in like 10 minutes.  He never eats that fast.  We burped, we spit up, and I thought, “Oh good, this means he will sleep so well, his belly has to be full.” Into his crib he goes.  He cried, AGAIN!  Fell asleep, woke up at 6:16, and I was done.  How after 5 ounces could you possibly be hungry again.  I let him go.  15 minutes passed, that’s all I can handle.  Went in and got him, only to bring him into bed with me.  He is only waking up now (9:30am).  So he technically went 5 hours, matching the 5 ounces he ate. He just needed mommy in between.



So this is where I say schedule smedule, but also know how important it is to get him onto a schedule. I just feel like what we were doing was working.  He typically only ate once a night anyways. It just never added up to 8 hours straight.  So do I do my thing, or keep plugging away at this?  After day one, I want to say, “No, sir.”  It seems like we were worse off with this routine compared to our own.  I know he needs to sleep in his crib.  I am fine with that part.  He has outgrown the bassinet anyways.  BUT is going the whole night with out eating really what is best.  I play the preemie card a lot too.  He is only 8lbs 8oz.  Most babies by month two are past the 10lb mark.  And most babies eat way more than 3oz at a time.  I don’t think Clayton’s little tummy can handle all of that.  PLUS the more serious part.  He spits up, and when I say spit up, I mean more like throws up EVERYTHING. and I can’t let him sleep in it.  And with all the upset crying he did last night, he spit up every time I went to check on him.  This moring, with the 4am feeding, his entire PJ was soaked.  He smelled terrible. His hair was all crusty. And I did not like any of it one bit.  This didn’t happen when he was sleeping next to us in the bassinet.  If he spit up, I would hear it.  It typically happened once.  BUT with all of this crying && screaming, it is causing him to spit up more, and I can’t hear that in the monitor.  I only know when I go in to check on him.  I just feel like its defeating the purpose, pushing for 8 hours, when clearly he is not ready.  I know I am not forced to do anything, but I also want Clayton to learn to soothe himself, and to get on a schedule.  Do I follow the part of me that says he really is only a month old gestational, or follow the two month time frame, when this is all supposed to begin?



For now, the hubby and I agree that 15 minutes is the max we let him scream for, especially because he gets himself so worked up that he is puking. And 5-6 hours is how long we will make him go in between the dream feed and the early morning feeding.  After a few days, maybe extend it by 15 minutes.  I just think cutting the poor kid off, cold turkey is not fair to him. DO I want a full nights sleep? MORE THAN ANYTHING sometimes.  BUT  I want my little man to be comfortable, safe, and healthy way more.  Am I a terrible mom, is this going to affect us in the future, will he ever be able to go a full night?  I ask myself this all the time. My brain says do this. Get him on a schedule. But my heart and instincts or maybe my emotions say otherwise.  I guess only time will tell.  And one day cannot justify if it is working or not. BUT after last night, I am not quite a fan.  I feel like Clayton is all messed up now anyways.  I tried to get right back on the schedule, but he wasn’t ready to eat again, he  was clearly still tired, and I don’t know anymore.

 

I’m done ranting for now.  I am going to cuddle the heck out of my little booger and play it by year.

❤❤

Tanya

 

Life as a Newbie Running Mom

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Don’t let the smile fool you.  Running as a new mom is a lot harder than I ever expected it to be.  I don’t know why I ever thought I would just jump right back into it, like nothing changed. Time, feedings, cryings, heat, humidity, cardio depletion, muscle fatigue, daddy’s schedule, appointments, nutrition, cuddles, snuggles, daily chores, laundry, dishes.  Did I mention crying?  Yeah, these are all factors I never had to really worry about before Clayton’s arrival. When I wanted to run, I would run. If I wanted to hit the trails, I would venture into nature.  Now, the only things I can think about are when the last time Clayton ate, did he poop yet today, how long was his nap, is he still breathing, and the list goes on and on.



TIME— Where does it even go now anyways?  We’ve gotten ourselves on a pretty decent schedule, at least I think so for being a new born, a preemie, and a first time mom.  BUT that doesn’t stop it from getting away from me.  Some mornings, we can wake up, snuggle, eat, && then fall right back to sleep.  Leaving me with a hopeful 1 hour at the least for myself, but typically about 30 minutes.  If it’s a treadmill run, or a trainer ride, we are usually pretty golden.  The sounds of each put little man to sleep && keep him asleep.  But other mornings, I just want to chill after numerous wake ups through the night to feed the booger.  And then before I know it, it’s time to feed him again. Sometimes feedings take 20 minutes, other times over an hour.   Then we have doctors appointments for both of us, and those seem like an everyday occurrence sometimes. I also have to share my exercise time with Chris.  When he gets home from work, he wants to go ride.  Those days, I tend to hit the treadmill or nothing at all.  On weekends, we have to share the cooler mornings, and more times than not, Chris takes them, and then I am either forced to try it in the summer heat, or again, nothing at all.  Factor in daily Clayton laundry, constant dishes, and more spit up than I care to share, and the day seems to be done and over with.

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NUTRITION— I have been making so many healthy choices when it comes to my postpartum nutrition.  The problem lies in the time, AGAIN.  There rarely seems to be the right time for me to sit down and eat, and with the list of other things on my mind constantly, I check them off first, before even thinking about stuffing my face.  I am pretty good about getting breakfast in, but then most days, lunch does not happen until the evening, and then dinner tends to go by the wayside.  This has been affecting my running like woah.  If I eat to late into the day, when Chris gets home and says I can run, I can’t because I will literally upchuck my food.  Basically what happened on today’s run.  My salad was repeating on me.  Factor in the heat and humidity and well yeah, that’s a recipe for disaster.  This also affects me when I do get the chance to run.  My energy levels are slim to none.  It’s kind of scary that I don’t ever feel hungry either.  I know I need to eat, for more reasons than I can count, but before I know it, it’s bed time and I’m just like, “Dang!  I only had a piece of toast with PB and some carrots.” I know it is playing a part in my losing the rest of my baby weight too.   I’m trying over here though, promise.

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BP— So my postpartum hypertension seems to be pretty well controlled with the meds that I am on, but the medicine causes its own problems.  I’ve never been on any kind of medication in my life.  I had the healthiest pregnancy, no BP issues, no gestational diabetes, no extreme weight gain.  As soon as they induced me, my BP shot through the roof.  After six weeks, it seemed to level to the average, but I can still spike up sometimes.  It frustrates me, it worries me, and it makes me feel helpless sometimes.  I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I might need to be on medicine for longer than expected, and maybe even forever.  BUT the medicine affects my running too.  When it is super hot and humid and I run outside, I break out in hives and a crazy heat rash all over my body.  Never experienced that before. I also get really dizzy when I am done running.  My average heart rate is ridiculous right now, but my resting heart rate is still that of when I was in killer shape.  This is so obvious in my pace. BUT I am able to push it some days and get back down to where I was before pregnancy.  My hope is that with my continued exercise, my cardio conditioning and BP will get better.

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So where does this leave me?  Well the old me would get super upset if I didn’t hit my desired mileage, or pace at that.  I would slave away on the pavement, or at the gym.  Late nights, early mornings, two a days.  You name it and I went for it. BUT the newbie mommy in me could care less.  When my body says its had enough.  I listen.  If  I don’t get to run everyday, that’s okay.  If my abs never come back, well so be it.  I am still going to push as hard as I can, when I can, but my life is about the cutest little boy EVER.  He will always come first.  And I know with time, I will figure this all out.  It will get easier. But mommy life is the best life.  Running just plays a different part in my story now.  Same story, new chapter.  I will come back, just stronger, more appreciative, and on a new time frame.  On Clayton’s time.  He is my reason, my strength, my EVERYTHING!❤

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I’ve got races on the calendar.  I still have goals. I will work each day towards achieving them. I am just no longer the runner worried about pace, distance, placing in age divisions, && being the best. I am a mother runner, and that in itself is medal worthy && my trophy is my sweet baby boy.  I’m already a winner in my eyes!  <3

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imagesTanya

Friday Five on a Sunday Schedule

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So clearly Friday got away from me && obviously Saturday too, but I wanted to talk about some essentials for me this week && really some things I’ve been using daily for awhile now.



 

A little while back, I was approached about product from a company called Evolv. This company stood out to me, not necessarily for their products, at first, but for their goals, their message, and the difference they are making in the world.  It was something that really sparked a fire in me.

The EvolvHealth “Change Your Life, Change the World™” Mission is to eradicate childhood malnutrition through our Buy 1, Nourish 2™ giving initiative. This mission is powered and sustainably funded by our revolutionary Social Business 3.0 model that promotes our proprietary line of advanced nutritional products enabling millions to Reboot their health while richly rewarding those who choose to champion our cause.

My fav products from them are their E N E R G Y packets for your water, and their PB Crunch Bars. 2014_0711_AccordionBanners_Fuel_SGC

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I’ve been using the FUEL as my energy in the mornings, in place of coffee sometimes, or before my run time.  And the bars are so good, without any crap in them. I enjoy one as a snack everyday.  They have so many other products to offer, if you want to check out the link I provided.  Let me know what you think too, if you’ve tried the products already, or if you are interested in trying something.❤



The next item I’ve been enjoying lately is Becky Wade’s “Run the World” novel.  It is so good.  It is refreshing to hear about the differences in one simple concept of running, yet how alike it remains in the way it changes people’s lives.  EVERYONE is a runner. I say it time && time again.  If you run//jog//turtle crawl as some of you call it, you are a runner.  Anyone can be a runner.  We might not all be Olympic//BQ athletes, but we have the heart that embodies all a runner needs. This book displays that and more.  The guts, glory, and yummy foods runners eat.  I highly recommend it!  :)

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I hate to think that my Friday Five always revolve around food, but let’s be honest, without food we really aren’t living!  :)❤ So my next item just so happens to be one that the ladies at Fit Approach && Prana have teamed up with as their next campaign.  So Organic Valley made this high protein milkshake that makes my taste buds ridiculously happy, especially post run, and its packed with 26 grams of protein . Plus, who doesn’t love chocolate milk?  Anyways, the great thing about my sharing this is that I am going to let you in on a contest that they are doing with Prana (( which by the way, has the cutest most functional clothes EVER).

CLICK THE LINK to be entered into the running as one of  ten winners to swing away with some awesome Organic Fuel swag, a two-month supply of Organic Fuel and $300 in credit to use on prAna.com!

http://www.drinkorganicfuel.com/promo.php ❤❤



My fourth necessity of the week is my Baby K’tan wrap carrier. This gem has changed the game as a busy mom trying to get stuff done. Clayton can usually sleep anywhere, but sometimes he just wants his mommy, and that makes it difficult to get work done around the house.  PLUS, I would love to just cuddle him all day, everyday.  This wrap kind of lets you have the best of both worlds.  <3 It’s easy to use, versatile in the way the baby is held, and fits comfortably.  Happy baby, makes a happy mommy.❤

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And last, but not least, dry shampoo from batiste.  Getting showers in on the daily are tough.  And when you finally get a chance to, its like a race to beat the clock ((baby)).  So more times then none, I run to this bad boy to take care of my hair needs.

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I apologize for my delay in time && days, but thanks for checking out my Friday Five && don’t forget to enter into the PRANA && Organic Fuel Contest!  Until next week love bugs!

imagesTanya❤

From Miss Independent to Miss Depended On

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Minus the alcoholic beverage, this picture just about sums up my life. Add some laundry, baby spit up, some colicky tendencies, and postpartum high blood pressure issues && you just might understand what it is like becoming a mom. MAYBE….



Now I am fully aware that no two stories are the same, but from the outpouring of love && support from my family//friends, and social media gurus, I am learning that more times than none, we have all experienced the same things when becoming mamas.  I guess the parts that make it different fall on a more emotional level &&how we handle things mentally.



Pre Clayton days, I was this crazy independent women ((still am)), always on the go, striving for more. I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Maybe it was because of my childhood upbringing, or the fast paced world we live in, but either way, I would jump at any opportunity regardless of the outcomes.  I depended on no one.   What I had, I earned.  What I wanted, I worked my ass off for.  I was emotionally strong, because I had to be. I built walls around me.  No one or nothing could hurt me ((anymore)).

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After Clayton, those emotions began to break down.  I found myself vulnerable again. When he cried, I cried.  When he was in pain, I was in pain.  When he was happy, I was happy ((&& still cried)).  His being; his little life, stripped me raw. I am emotional in every sense of the way.  I fear like I’ve never feared.  I call my pediatrician like they are my own personal help.  I get stressed much faster and much easier.  I feel like I get nothing accomplished && struggle to find the time to eat.  I used to be so scheduled about everything in life. NOW, a schedule?  What is that anyways?  Is it Monday?  What month are we even in?  The days fly by in a blink of an eye && yet sometimes I feel like they aren’t moving at all.

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BUT he has taught me how to feel love much deeper, hope much stronger && believe much harder. I went from being Miss Independent to Miss Depended On.  I am forever a mom first.  I am forever loved by this sweet boy.  I am forever changed.  I am forever blessed.  Because he is everything I’ve ever wanted && more, that makes any feeling I experience so worth it.  <3



No matter how we handle becoming a mother, we all experience what it means to love a child unconditionally, no strings attached.  We all become a Miss Depended On && I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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imagesTanya❤